


Pinch Hitters

by Roseus



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: ............there are ocs. its for a good cause, Established Relationship, Fix-It, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, is this crack? is this what crack is?, like kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-17
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-11 14:46:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17449022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roseus/pseuds/Roseus
Summary: Pinch Hitters s1e1 "Pilot": Harvey Specter and Mike Ross return in a new series following New York's most impossible cases.





	Pinch Hitters

**Author's Note:**

> I commited a lot of crimes writing this. I wrote a lot about laws I know nothing about. I perfectly formatted the entire fic as a screenplay only to realize ao3 can't read any of that. Potentially most heinously of all, I made ocs for a syndicated law drama. What compelled me to do this, you may ask.  
> Nothing but a simple vision.  
> I have given up on formatting this but what follows is a spec script for a dramedy spin off of suits where Mike and Harvey are married and run their own firm. Depending on the comparison you use, it's the length of a standard suits episode (42 minutes) or a half hour sitcom pilot. Go nuts kids, I know I have.

PINCH HITTERS S1E1 “PILOT”

FADE IN:  
ESTABLISHING SHOTS OF NEW YORK  
SCENE 1- INT GYM, MORNING  
BERNICE SAMSON, recent law school graduate, takes some shots at a punching bag. ADRIAN NGOC, a young man in a suit, walks up behind her.  
ADRIAN  
Who are you picturing when you hit that thing?  
BERNICE  
Jesus, you scared me.  
ADRIAN  
Is it me? It’s probably me.  
They do a bro handshake.  
BERNICE  
What do you want, A?  
ADRIAN  
Uh, to be somewhere else. This place stinks.  
BERNICE  
You’re just allergic to effort. Hold on, I gotta shower.

SCENE 2- INT LOCKERROOM  
Bernice retrieves her things from her locker.  
ADRIAN (O.S.)  
Did Ella call you yet?  
BERNICE  
No. She says she’s busy studying.  
ADRIAN  
‘studying’.  
BERNICE  
yeah, ‘studying’.  
ADRIAN  
That’s messed up, man, that’s supposed to be family time.  
BERNICE  
Well I can’t exactly bust down her door anymore. She has to choose to talk to me.  
She exits the locker room. Adrian hands her a water bottle. They walk and talk.  
ADRIAN  
But instead she chooses to make out with the quarterback. She’ll get over it. How’s Leo?  
BERNICE  
Not happy he has to share the campus with his baby sister, but at least he has his manners. But I know you didn’t come here to ask about my siblings.  
ADRIAN  
You’re right. I came here because as of two hours ago, I’m officially an associate at Wess Heller & Comfort.  
BERNICE  
You’re kidding!  
They hug.  
ADRIAN  
And, you can finally put me on your resume, and top surgery is finally paid off, and I’m treating you to lunch.  
BERNICE  
Congratulations. Where are we going?  
ADRIAN  
Your pick, just don’t bankrupt me.  
BERNICE  
Your pick, You’re the one that got hired. It’s really happening.  
ADRIAN  
Damn right it is. We’re every immigrant parent’s dream. Second generation kids about to be New York lawyers. We busted ass for this, let’s celebrate!  
BERNICE  
Rein it in. I’m still jobless.  
ADRIAN  
Not for long. It’s the Bernice Samson way. When you hit a wall, you break it down.

SCENE 3- INT THE FIRM, DAY  
MARTHA AOKI, 61 year old impeccably dressed senior partner, sits at her desk. Across from her is DEREK PLASS, clothing wholesale magnate. She drops a file in front of him.  
MARTHA  
This is your settlement. 1.4 million.  
DEREK  
You’re joking. We have everything we need to decimate you in court. We’re not settling for pennies on the dollar.  
Martha laughs.  
DEREK  
What?  
MARTHA  
We’re not paying you. You’re paying us.  
DEREK  
And what the hell for? You really think I’m going to take this?  
MARTHA  
I know you’re going to take it. To your client. As is required. You’ll also take this copy of the first iteration of your client’s employment contracts. Be a dear and ask him if this actually anticipates hazardous working conditions, or if I’m just seeing things in my old age.  
DEREK  
This is worthless. We’ve had no complaints of injury.  
MARTHA  
Good thing I brought some for you. Would you like to take the affidavits with you or should I fax them? I understand if you want them in hand right away, but they might not all fit in that briefcase.  
DEREK  
This is not a class action suit.  
MARTHA  
But it can be. Before you came in tonight I had a brief call with an old friend in OSHA. And let me tell you, she hadn’t heard from your client in a long while. If she were to send for an inspection right now, would your client’s plant hold up?  
DEREK  
You’re counter-suing.  
MARTHA  
Only if you refuse our terms. It’s mutually assured destruction.  
DEREK  
This is crazy.  
MARTHA  
Mr. Plass, you were 75th in your graduating class, correct? Don’t answer that, it’s not a question. Such mediocrity breeds naivete, but you should understand. All the great lawyers are absolutely insane.

SCENE 4- INT FIRM FOYER  
Derek pushes past CANDICE LIKA, HR head, as she enters. She and Martha walk and talk.  
CANDICE  
I take it Tilman’s out of our hair?  
MARTHA  
Too easy.  
CANDICE  
You going to take the class action?  
MARTHA  
Of course. What’s the point of pushing them if you don’t kick them while they’re down?  
CANDICE  
I see you’re not even pretending you want the case for retirement money.  
MARTHA  
If I wanted to retire I could have done it a decade ago.  
CANDICE  
You did retire a decade ago.  
MARTHA  
I did, and look at me now. Where’s the man responsible?  
CANDICE  
Out. The opening.  
MARTHA  
Never here when you need him.  
She dials a call.  
MARTHA  
Mike Ross!

SCENE 5- EXT ART GALLERY, NIGHT  
MIKE ROSS hangs up his phone. HARVEY SPECTER joins him outside. He’s holding two flutes of champagne.  
HARVEY  
We only left for an hour, the place can’t be burning down already.  
MIKE  
Good news, actually. Martha has successfully neutered Tilman.  
HARVEY  
Fantastic. Champagne?  
Mike takes it.  
MIKE  
Let’s go.

SCENE 6- INT ART GALLERY  
Manhattan’s bright and beautiful are gathered for a black tie gallery opening. One BRADLEY WESS stands at the center, admiring a painting. Mike approaches him.  
MIKE  
Bradley Wess?  
BRADLEY  
That’s me.  
MIKE  
Mike Ross.  
They shake hands.  
MIKE  
I’m a lawyer, I’ve heard a lot about you through the grape vine.  
BRADLEY  
All good?  
MIKE  
Of course. You’re one of the greats right now.  
BRADLEY  
I don’t know about that.  
(gesturing to the painting)  
What do you think?  
MIKE  
Oh, I’m not really qualified. My husband’s the one who has taste.  
Harvey appears at his side.  
HARVEY  
It’s alright.  
BRADLEY  
Harvey Specter! I haven’t seen hide nor hair of you since you left Zane Litt.  
HARVEY  
We’ve been laying low. I’ve been working my ass off getting our new firm off the ground.  
BRADLEY  
I can’t believe I haven’t heard all about it.  
MIKE  
It was rough going at first but I think we’ve finally hit the big leagues. Zane Litt just passed us a case that should put us on the map.  
BRADLEY  
I feel sorry for the opposition.  
HARVEY  
Don’t, self-pity is a bad look.  
MIKE  
It’s your case, Bradley. Cowel v Blanca.  
BRADLEY  
Good lord. You’re here to ask me to go easy on you.  
HARVEY  
No, We’re here to warn you that we’re ready and willing to crush you.  
MIKE  
My suggestion actually. I thought it was the polite thing to do.  
Bradley turns away to face the painting.  
BRADLEY  
Take your trophy husband and get out of my gallery.

SCENE 7- EXT SIDEWALK, NIGHT  
Harvey and Mike are walking back.  
HARVEY  
What a tool.  
MIKE  
I don’t know, we did start it.  
HARVEY  
But ‘trophy husband’?  
MIKE  
Don’t tell me your ego’s that fragile.  
A beat.  
HARVEY  
MY ego?

SCENE 8- INT BERNICE’S APARTMENT, MORNING  
Bernice is asleep in bed. Her alarm is going off.  
BERNICE  
Shit.  
The alarm turns into a ringtone  
BERNICE  
Shit.  
She picks up.  
BERNICE  
Hello? Yes, that’s me.  
Cut to her frying eggs, still on the phone.  
BERNICE  
City University didn’t have an especially active extracurricular scene, and I was working, I didn’t have the time. -- A restaurant called Bethers. I was a line cook. I think it taught me a lot about fast paced work environments. – Yeah, speed’s important, as long as it doesn’t sacrifice precision. But most of all I pride myself in being dependable. –That’s a big question. I have a lot options. I could apply to a less competitive practice. I could leave New York. But I didn’t get this far by aiming low. So, pure ambition. I want to make it big like everyone else.—GPA? …Three oh.  
They hang up.  
BERNICE  
Shit.  
She calls Adrian and groans.  
ADRIAN  
This better not be a sex tape.  
BERNICE  
No, Adrian, that’s the sound of me bombing another interview.  
ADRIAN  
Okay, so they’re blind. Head up, B. How many left today?  
BERNICE  
Three. But I’m running out of places to try.  
A pause.  
BERNICE  
What are you thinking. That isn’t a good silence.  
ADRIAN  
There’s a firm.  
BERNICE  
Name.  
ADRIAN  
I don’t know, it seems pretty small and I only heard the name because my boss was cussing them out.  
BERNICE  
Name.

SCENE 9- INT FIRM, MORNING  
Candice picks up the phone at her desk.  
CANDICE  
Specter Ross, how can I help you?

SCENE 10- INT CONDO, MORNING  
Harvey enters the kitchen, where Mike has made a quick breakfast.  
MIKE  
Here, I made you coffee.  
HARVEY  
Is this because of the trophy husband thing? Are you trying to prove you’re a provider or something?  
MIKE  
Good morning to you too sweetie, and no.  
Mike walks away to grab something.  
MIKE  
Because you are definitely the trophy husband.  
HARVEY  
How am I the trophy husband? I’m a decade older than you.  
MIKE  
You’re also wearing an outfit that cost about as much as my college tuition.  
HARVEY  
First of all, that’s only because you were on scholarship and you got expelled. Second of all, that’s rich coming from the guy wearing my tie.  
MIKE  
This isn’t--  
It is. Harvey stows his dishes and passes by Mike.  
HARVEY  
It’s you.

SCENE 11- INT FIRM, CANDICE’S OFFICE  
Martha enters Candice’s office. She’s still on the phone. She makes a shooing motion.  
MARTHA  
Where are they? In no world should I be here before them.  
CANDICE  
We’d love to see you in person. Are you available in--  
MARTHA  
Maybe I have time to leave and come back, just for the principle. Candice, when are they going to be here?  
Cut to Bernice on the other end of the call.  
BERNICE  
An hour?!  
She runs out. Cut back to the firm.  
CANDICE  
No, not you! Oh my god, she’s gone. That poor woman.  
MARTHA  
Do you want anything from Starbucks?  
CHARACTER NAME 3  
(sadly)  
a strawberry frapp.  
MARTHA  
Call me seven minutes after they get in. It’s a three minute walk.

SCENE 12- EXT SIDEWALK, DAY  
Bernice runs down the street to the Queens-Midtown train. She checks the metro app- the train is only 5 minutes away. She picks up the pace.

SCENE 13- EXT FIRM, DAY  
Harvey and Mike arrive by car.  
MIKE  
before we go –  
(he gestures to the car)  
it’s you.  
HARVEY  
The car?  
MIKE  
I used to ride a bike. You have a car club membership. I’m just saying.  
On the street, REESE DOMINGUEZ, junior partner, approaches.  
REESE  
Boss!  
HARVEY  
Dominguez, where are you going?  
REESE  
Wess Heller & Comfort just sent a settlement offer.  
HARVEY  
They did what?  
REESE  
They’re going to high-low us. They’re making an outrageously high demand so when we gain ground, we’ll accept their real offer without question. Which is why I’m going to the client now to explain that she can’t take any offers she gets.  
HARVEY  
I knew I hired for a reason. Go, and find me as soon as you get back.  
REESE  
Taxi!  
MIKE  
It can’t be that easy, right?  
HARVEY  
Of course not.  
MIKE  
God, but I really want it to be.  
HARVEY  
What, it doesn’t get your blood pumping? Deception, snap decisions, subterfuge, ambition. We’re high rolling again.

SCENE 14- INT TRAIN  
Bernice is slumped in a seat, not much looking like a high roller. The train arrives and she sprints up the stairs, runs across the street and is almost hit by a taxi. She sees the building. She does not see Martha, who is returning from starbucks with two cups. They collide, spilling the coffee all over Martha.  
BERNICE  
Oh my god!  
Martha removes her coat disdainfully.  
BERNICE  
I’m so sorry, I can pay for that--  
MARTHA  
‘That’ is Chanel. You can’t afford ‘that’. I doubt you ever will. So unless you’re planning on indenturing yourself your only hope is that you disappear right now and I never find you.  
BERNICE  
I can do that.  
She jogs right into Specter Ross. Martha sees this and sighs.

SCENE 15- INT FIRM, CANDICE’S OFFICE  
Candice shakes Bernice’s hand.  
CANDICE  
Nice to meet you, Bernice. I’m impressed you made it on such short notice.  
BERNICE  
The train’s not so bad when it actually shows up.  
CANDICE  
Go ahead and take a seat. I’ve got your resume in my email. You mentioned on the phone you went to City University for law, how did that treat you?  
BERNICE  
The school itself was fine. School’s always what you make of it. I put a lot in, and I got a lot out. Though it’s tough explaining that when most practices in this city won’t take anything less than an ivy.  
CANDICE  
Lawyers like good odds and controllable variables. An acclaimed institution gives them that. But most of all they like results.  
BERNICE  
I can do results.  
CANDICE  
I’m inclined to believe you. But if you have what it takes, why are you here?  
BERNICE  
That’s a layered question. Do you mind if I’m honest?  
CANDICE  
Not at all.  
BERNICE  
I am here because I want to be a lawyer. All laws are an attempt to reconcile a chaotic, unfair world with our need for order. And I admire that. But it’s trying to catch water in wicker. For instance the law of the land is that good students go to Harvard, or at least get good grades. But that’s not how the real world works. I took custody of my siblings when I was nineteen, while working full time, while still taking classes. I’m not shy, what I did was near impossible. So even if it doesn’t fit the rule, I’m proud of my 3.0 at City University, almost as proud as I am of my baby sister who got a full ride and my baby brother who’s top of his class. The law wasn’t made for everybody. It was made for certain bodies. I’m here because I see only one solution to that. If I want the law to work, I’ve got to work the law. If that makes any sense.  
Candice smiles and claps.  
CANDICE  
Wonderful. Passable.  
BERNICE  
Passable?  
CANDICE  
I can’t give you the job of course-- no no no I just mean literally I can’t give you the job, I have to pass you on to the boss. Do you still have time?  
BERNICE  
Yes. Who’s your boss?  
CANDICE  
The founding partners, Mike Ross and Harvey Specter.  
BERNICE  
The founding partners? Right now?  
CANDICE  
Well, if they’re in. You can wait outside, I’ll find out.  
Bernice leaves. Candice picks up the phone.  
CANDICE  
Mike? Do you have time for an interview? You’re going to like this one.

SCENE 16- INT TEA ROOM, DAY  
It’s closed. Reese is meeting SOFIA BLANCA, the owner and defendant.  
REESE  
Disregard this offer entirely. Pretend you never saw it. That’s the best thing you can do to ensure you get what you deserve.  
SOFIA  
This is the fifth offer I’ve seen. I sold Para Tea because I wanted to retire. If they’re about to offer something reasonable, can’t I just end this while I still have something to retire to?  
REESE  
No. Not when you can pay nothing instead.  
SOFIA  
You have no guarantee that that will happen.  
REESE  
I have the next best thing. The best closers this city has ever seen, working your case.  
SOFIA  
What if I lose?  
REESE  
Roundabout answer. How long did you run this tea room?  
SOFIA  
Thirteen years.  
REESE  
And before that, how long were you planning for it?  
SOFIA  
A very long time.  
REESE  
You did that. You had a dream and saw it through, beginning to end. You’re in the final stretch. Don’t throw the race when you’re this close.  
SOFIA  
I hope you can sweet talk that well in court.  
REESE  
I just believe your hard work shouldn’t go up in smoke.  
He realizes something.

SCENE 17- INT FIRM  
Candice leads Bernice into Harvey’s office. Harvey and Mike are already there.  
CANDICE  
knock knock. This is Bernice Samson. Bernice, Harvey Specter and Mike Ross.  
MIKE  
Any more today?  
CANDICE  
Oh no, the last batch wouldn’t know the law if it hit them in the face, which given my proximity to the library was a realistic option. Come find me when you’re done, Bernice!  
She leaves. Harvey gestures to a seat, which Bernice takes. Mike picks up her resume.  
BERNICE  
Don’t bother with my resume. I’ll tell you right now it’s bad. I’m here to impress you with me, not my report card.  
HARVEY  
And how do you plan on doing that?  
BERNICE  
I’m still working on it.  
MIKE  
Well in the meantime, how did you hear about us?  
BERNICE  
I have a friend at Wess Heller & Comfort.  
HARVEY  
Hear that, they’re talking about us. All bad?  
BERNICE  
For sure. According to my friend this firm is just a minor nuisance. But I think that doesn’t add up. You’re in Midtown. The décor, the toys, even your suit. It all says money.  
Mike smirks at Harvey.  
BERNICE  
And good or bad, they are talking about you. This is ground zero for something, and I want in.  
MIKE  
So does everyone else. Why should we hire you?  
BERNICE  
Because you let me in the door. If you had pick of the Harvard litter, I wouldn’t be here. You’re looking for a diamond in the rough, and here I am.  
HARVEY  
Maybe we just don’t like Harvard.  
BERNICE  
Maybe. I’m taking that chance, because it’s also not make or break if I’m wrong. Some big name firm in this city will hire me, it’s a when, not an if. Cause I don’t quit. Ever. And I’ve got the knowledge of the law and the actual life experience to back it up.  
MIKE  
No offense, but how do we know you know the law?  
BERNICE  
That’s the one reason you should look at my resume. 172 on the MBE.  
MIKE  
Alright. One last question. Company A wants to merge with charity B, but charity B believes company A is lacking ethically. Company A threatens charity B with a hostile takeover. In the end, charity B agrees to the merger on the condition that company A will up their ethical standards even if it cuts into their profits. Who won?  
Bernice thinks for a second.  
BERNICE  
Neither.  
HARVEY  
Neither?  
BERNICE  
Neither.  
MIKE  
Walk us through it.  
BERNICE  
There are four possible answers. A, B, both, and neither. A represents an emotional approach, while B is the hard facts. Picking one or the other would be reductive. Both is a pretty weak answer- sure, both parties are satisfied, but who’s to say they’re happy? It’s just not victory if the other side is still standing.  
Mike signals with a thumbs up behind his back. Harvey responds in kind under his desk.  
HARVEY  
You’ve got a lot to learn if you really think there’s only four answers. And it’s a cute trick, but you still proved the point of the question.  
MIKE  
Well gosh, what’s the point, Harvey?  
HARVEY  
I always believed that there were two kinds of people, winners and losers. Mike also believed there were two kinds of people--  
MIKE  
Assholes and decent people.  
HARVEY  
Those were our priorities. They made me a winner and an asshole, and Mike a decent person but a loser.  
MIKE  
Rude.  
HARVEY  
Although every time I say it I vomit a little, we’re stronger together. A decent person can’t play hero if they don’t win. A winner is an empty suit without some moral compass. So here at Specter Ross, we like to classify our lawyers by their priorities: are you a hero?  
MIKE  
or a winner?  
HARVEY  
You prioritized crushing the opposition over the client’s satisfaction. Ms. Samson, you’re a natural born winner. Which is why you’ll be working for our hero number one, Mike Ross.  
BERNICE  
I got the job?  
HARVEY  
Congratulations, kid.

SCENE 18- INT FIRM  
Candice is giving Bernice the grand tour.  
CANDICE  
Breakroom is down the hall. Tomorrow you can report directly to Mike’s office. Is there anything you’re dying to know?  
BERNICE  
Oh, plenty. Does our honesty policy still stand?  
CANDICE  
Of course.  
BERNICE  
I never heard of Specter Ross before this morning. I don’t know what I was expecting, but… What is this place?  
CANDICE  
We are a last resort firm. The people who come here don’t have anywhere else to go, clients and lawyers alike. We take unwinnable cases and win them, because if you can’t do it backwards and in heels, why do it at all?  
BERNICE  
I think I’m in love.  
Martha enters.  
CANDICE  
Candice, where’s-- Oh my god. Tell me this isn’t what it looks like.  
BERNICE  
Oh no.  
CANDICE  
Um, Bernice, this is Martha Aoki, one of our senior partners. Martha, this is Bernice Samson, our new associate.  
MARTHA  
You’re kidding me. Indentured servitude it is. While you work for me you will not ever make eye contact, am I clear?  
CANDICE  
No, Martha, Bernice is a winner, just like you. She’s going to be working for Mike.  
MARTHA  
For now.  
She marches away.  
BERNICE  
That hero versus winner stuff was serious?  
CANDICE  
More than you’d expect, anyways. Don’t worry about Martha.  
BERNICE  
Because she secretly has a heart of gold.  
CANDICE  
Oh no, because she likes Mike Ross and you can use him as a human shield. If she has a heart, I’d say it’s obsidian.  
BERNICE  
Great.

SCENE 19- INT FIRM, HARVEY’S OFFICE  
Reese leans in the door.  
REESE  
Hey boss?  
HARVEY  
Dominguez. Does our client understand that we’re not settling?  
REESE  
Done and done. While I was there, I was thinking.  
HARVEY  
Always encouraged.  
REESE  
Before Cowel bought Para Tea, it ran for thirteen years. It had regulars, strong ties to its community, and its investors. But now all the investors have jumped ship. Is there a chance that…  
HARVEY  
Cowel made them? Yeah, it’s exactly what happened.  
REESE  
Then why aren’t we pursuing that?  
HARVEY  
it’s useless without the books.  
REESE  
And where are the books?  
HARVEY  
Firmly up Bradley Wess’s ass. Para Tea handed them over in the sale, and they mysteriously disappeared.  
REESE  
This is robbery! They’re cheating an old woman out of her life’s savings!  
HARVEY  
Doesn’t mean anything if we can’t prove it.  
Reese takes a seat.  
REESE  
We better get serious then.  
Harvey smiles.  
SCENE 20- INT ADRIAN’S APARTMENT BUILDING, NIGHT  
Bernice knocks on an apartment door with a takeout laden fist. Adrian answers.  
ADRIAN  
Uber eats?  
BERNICE  
Uber employed.  
ADRIAN  
You’re kidding!  
They hug.  
ADRIAN  
Get in here, get your employed butt in here.  
Cut to them eating at the table.  
ADRIAN  
What did I say. Nothing can keep you down.  
BERNICE  
Stoooop.  
ADRIAN  
I’m serious. You have real street cred and that’s going to wreck anything these suits have to offer.  
BERNICE  
We are suits.  
ADRIAN  
Speaking of suits, what are you wearing on your first day?  
BERNICE  
The yellow blouse?  
ADRIAN  
No.  
BERNICE  
The satin--  
ADRIAN  
No!  
BERNICE  
The Ted Baker dress?  
ADRIAN  
If you wear Ted Baker they will tear you to shreds. Is this a cry for help? Do you need a real outfit?  
BERNICE  
Come on, man, it’s 10.  
ADRIAN  
Coincidentally what you need to look like tomorrow if you want to survive. Don’t worry. I have something. It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but desperate times.  
BERNICE  
Adrian, what did you do?  
Cut to Adrian waiting outside the bedroom door as she changes.  
BERNICE  
You didn’t. Adrian, this is way too much money.  
ADRIAN  
If I’m going to get yelled at by a dude named Bradley all day I am at least going to spend the money making my friends happy. Do you like it?  
BERNICE  
I love it. Are they really yelling at you?  
ADRIAN  
He’s just mad cause we’re stonewalling the opposition and they didn’t immediately roll over. If I’m lucky, they’ll declare bankruptcy and we can get them on anticipatory breach. Does it fit?  
She steps out. She’s wearing a sleek, well-tailored suit.  
BERNICE  
How did you get my measurements?  
ADRIAN  
Don’t you remember? They had to measure around both of our hips where they’re joined.

SCENE 21- FIRM, MORNING  
Bernice, in the suit, strides into the office. She knocks on Mike’s door.  
MIKE  
Come in!  
She does. Mike’s at his desk buried in some paperwork.  
BERNICE  
Reporting for duty.  
MIKE  
Great. I’ve got housing court in an hour, could you proof these while I’m gone?  
BERNICE  
Sure.  
He reaches behind the desk and drops a crate of files on the desk.  
MIKE  
Thanks.  
Bernice’s face- ‘oh shit’.

SCENE 22- FIRM, DAY  
A flurry of Bernice highlighting and annotating documents. Eventually she breaks and heads to the breakroom for coffee. Reese is there, looking equally distressed.  
REESE  
Hey. You must be Bernice.  
BERNICE  
I am.  
REESE  
Small firm. I-- aah!  
(While talking, he accidentally pours coffee on his hand.)  
BERNICE  
Are you okay?  
REESE  
Yeah. Pulled an all-nighter so I’m not at my sharpest.  
BERNICE  
Tell me about it.  
REESE  
Says the newbie.  
BERNICE  
No, I mean tell me about it.  
He sits across from her.  
REESE  
Big franchising company bought an independent tea shop when the owner wanted to retire. When it’s time for money to change hands, suddenly the tea shop has lost all its investors and is about to go bankrupt. Now the company’s suing for breach of contract, claiming the tea shop deceived them about their financial status.  
BERNICE  
Should be open and shut if you look at the accounting.  
REESE  
We don’t have the accounting. The opposition’s holding it hostage.  
BERNICE  
They can’t do that.  
REESE  
They can get away with it just long enough to screw us over in trial on Thursday.  
Bernice thinks for a beat.  
BERNICE  
You could play dead.  
REESE  
How so?  
BERNICE  
‘Accidentally’ send the opposition a fake declaration of bankruptcy on behalf of the tea room. Give them grounds for anticipatory breach. They won’t need the accounting anymore.  
REESE  
That might actually work.  
SCENE 23- INT FIRM HARVEY’S OFFICE  
Harvey is at his desk, across from Reese and Bernice.  
HARVEY  
This might actually work. Dominguez, draft a bullshit counteroffer and an ultimatum demanding the books. Bernice, fill out a bullshit bankruptcy claim. Let’s get this done today.  
BERNICE  
Excuse me, but Mr. Ross told me to proof the Leider contracts while he’s in housing court?  
ROSS  
The-- all of them? Did he really file dump on a rookie again?  
HARVEY  
My question is, he really went to housing court again? Listen, my husband sometimes forgets other people have pesky things like normal human brains. Don’t worry about it. This takes precedent. What are you waiting for? Go.  
MONTAGE  
documents are typed. Files are printed. All at breakneck speed. Harvey makes a call.  
END MONTAGE  
HARVEY  
Bradley, we heard you loud and clear. I’m going to personally send over my junior partner with our counteroffer.  
Reese hands him the bullshit offer. Harvey covers the mic.  
HARVEY  
What does this say?  
Reese flips it. On the back is a stickynote label: ‘FU offer’. Harvey gives him a thumbs up.  
MONTAGE  
Reese walks with purpose through the city, files in hand. Adrian looks through the files, and is delighted to find the ‘bankruptcy’. Bernice smugly collects the accounting from the fax machine.  
END MONTAGE

SCENE 24- INT FIRM, HARVEY’S OFFICE, NIGHT  
Harvey, Bernice, and Reese toast over the newly acquired books. Mike enters.  
MIKE  
I can’t believe you started the party without me.  
HARVEY  
Grab a glass. We’re going to destroy Wess on Thursday.  
MIKE  
That’s not news.  
HARVEY  
Underlings, scatter. It’s past your bedtime. No-- you can’t shotgun scotch, Reese! When you’re finished!

SCENE 25- EXT FIRM, NIGHT  
Bernice and Reese are on their way home.  
REESE  
Not bad for a first day.  
BERNICE  
I’ve had a lot of first days. That was hands down my best.  
REESE  
Well don’t get cocky. Goodnight, Bernice.  
BERNICE  
Wait! (laughs) What’s your name? Harvey kept calling you by last name.  
REESE  
Reese! (beat) That’s a nice suit!

SCENE 26- INT FIRM, HARVEY’S OFFICE  
Harvey and Mike are standing around having a scotch. Mike smiles at him.  
HARVEY  
What?  
MIKE  
You just look happy.  
HARVEY  
I am happy. I’m going to kick that smug bastard into next week.  
MIKE  
And save a little old lady.  
HARVEY  
That too. This crazy scheme of yours, this dream firm, might actually work.  
MIKE  
I did worry about that, you know. I still do. If my crazy scheme ended up weighing down the great Harvey Specter, I’d feel pretty bad.  
HARVEY  
Lucky for you, you can’t keep a great man down.  
Mike laughs.  
HARVEY  
I love you. That means wherever you are, I’ll be right next to you.  
MIKE  
Closet romantic.  
HARVEY  
Don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation. Speaking of which, defending a little old lady does not fit my persona. But you would make a great case, and you could take the new puppy to stretch its legs.  
MIKE  
Only if you say please.  
Harvey crowds into his space.  
HARVEY  
Pretty please.  
Martha blithely walks in  
MARTHA  
Did I leave--  
(sees them)  
Not in the office you--

SCENE 27- INT BERNICE’S APARTMENT, NIGHT  
shot of a Santa picture of Bernice’s siblings, cheerfully labeled ‘HO HO HO!’. It’s on her nightstand. Bernice touches the frame and rolls over.

SCENE 28- INT FIRM, MORNING  
Reese is working away. Bernice stops by his desk.  
BERNICE  
Shouldn’t you be getting ready for court?  
MIKE (O.S.)  
Nope, we’re switching rosters.  
Mike walks up behind them.  
MIKE  
If I told you we get to go to court today would you pass out from sheer joy?  
BERNICE  
Only one way to find out.

SCENE 29- INT COURTROOM  
Bradley and Adrian are already settled, looking over their argument. Mike and Bernice enter. Bernice sees Adrian and is dismayed. Adrian sees her and is surprised but waves. Cut to the proceedings underway.  
BRADLEY  
Your honor, we’d like to submit into evidence this bankruptcy claim by Para Tea.  
MIKE  
Objection, irrelevant. The court will find that that claim was never submitted.  
Adrian and Bradley realize their argument has just been gutted. Adrian stares at Bernice. She won’t make eye contact. Bradley recovers.  
BRADLEY  
Your honor, it’s very relevant. It suggests intent to breach contract. And complete or not, it is still a legal document.  
MIKE  
With what foundation?  
BRADLEY  
Your client.  
JUDGE  
Objection overruled. Continue.

SCENE 30- INT COURTHOUSE HALL  
Outside the courtroom, Harvey is waiting. Down the hall comes DONNA PAULSEN.  
DONNA  
Harvey! What are you doing in court?  
HARVEY  
What are you doing in court?  
DONNA  
I’m a protected witness in a murder trial. It’s the mob, they finally caught up with me.  
Harvey gives her a look.  
DONNA  
Parking ticket. You didn’t answer my question.  
Harvey indicates to the courtroom door.  
HARVEY  
The Blanca case.  
She winces.  
HARVEY  
No need to worry.

SCENE 31- INT COURTROOM  
Mike is presenting his case.  
MIKE  
As of this spring, Para Tea will be fourteen years old. So naturally, everyone was surprised when all its investors pulled out in the span of three months. Mr. Wess argues that this is because of underlying financial problems that weren’t disclosed upon the sale. But that’s not what the books say. These are the investors at the time of the sale. These are wire transfers from Mr. Cowel’s personal bank account to, would you look at that, all of those same names. Your honor, Sofia Blanca isn’t scamming Cowel’s company, they’re scamming her. Cowel made an impulse buy he regretted, and he’s covering for it by using the court to try and get it for nothing. It’s a con job preying on an senior woman’s retirement, and it’s as far from good faith as it gets. We rest our case.

SCENE 32- INT COURTHOUSE HALL  
Mike and Bernice exit the courtroom into the hall, where Harvey and Donna are.  
HARVEY  
Well?  
Mike looks disappointed.  
MIKE  
I really thought…  
HARVEY  
What?  
MIKE  
(smiling) I really thought he would have had a decent counterargument with all the time I gave him, I mean come on!  
He high fives Harvey.  
DONNA  
You’re welcome Donna.  
MIKE  
What? Hey, why are you in court?  
DONNA  
Who do you think convinced Louis to hand over that case?  
MIKE  
Uh, who do you think won that case. Man, it’s almost like I’m some kind of provider, huh Harvey?  
HARVEY  
Really? I’m settling this here and now.  
Bradley exits into the hall.  
HARVEY  
Bradley. When you said trophy husband, which of us did you mean?  
BRADLEY  
The hell do you think? Mike, he’s like a decade younger than you.  
Harvey says absolutely nothing. He just looks at Mike smugly. Adrian directs one last sad look at Bernice.

SCENE 33- INT FIRM, MIKE’S OFFICE, NIGHT  
A knock at the door.  
MIKE  
Come in.  
It’s Bernice.  
MIKE  
What’s up?  
BERNICE  
The Leider contracts. (beat) And I need advice. If you’re alright with that.  
MIKE  
Sure. Shoot.  
BERNICE  
The opposing counsel was my best friend and I unknowingly used things he told me as a friend against him.  
MIKE  
Yikes.  
BERNICE  
He told me he wished the people they were facing would just fold and declare bankruptcy. It’s the only reason I thought of it. I didn’t know it was him we were going against. But I saw his face when we did that. It wasn’t good.  
Mike sighs.  
MIKE  
Harvey would say you did the right thing. You don’t play the odds, you play the man. It’s how you win.  
BERNICE  
I’m sensing a catch.  
MIKE  
You know, Harvey isn’t my first spouse. Weirdly enough, I knew him longer than my ex-wife. But we never got together. I was his associate--  
BERNICE  
You dated your boss?  
MIKE  
Kind of. But not before I stabbed him in the back on multiple occasions. Not that he was any better. We fought like only people who love each other can. Sometimes we still do. That’s what happens in this industry. You’re in constant conflict, and it will always be exactly this hard.  
BERNICE  
So what do I do?  
MIKE  
Take some long walks. Call your family. Do whatever you need to stay grounded. And when he’s ready to talk, talk.  
BERNICE  
Thank you.  
MONTAGE  
Reese has tea with Sofia at Para Tea. They’re happy and laughing. Martha arrives home, greeted by her dog, the one thing she loves unconditionally. Candice is out on the town, having drinks with friends. Bernice sets up a skype call with her siblings over dinner.  
END MONTAGE

SCENE 34- INT FIRM, HARVEY’S OFFICE, NIGHT  
Mike and Harvey are the last ones there. They’re facing the window, looking at the skyscrapers.  
MIKE  
How many more of those do we have to win before the people up there respect us?  
HARVEY  
Respect us? We’re a firm of industry rejects trying to win the world with the power of friendship and honesty.  
MIKE  
I never said we had to be honest. Just not total assholes.  
HARVEY  
Well in that case. If you wanted fear, done deal. Respect is going to take some doing.  
MIKE  
But you think we can do it.  
HARVEY  
You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.  
They kiss. Mike looks out at the city.  
MIKE  
They’re going to know our name.

FADE OUT.  
THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Yall................................. sometimes things get out of hand.  
> Thanks 4 readin this wack ass fic blease tell me what you think cause i have no idea what the fuque i just wrote and getting comments is like crack cocaine!!!!!


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